I started smoking crack so I could write a memoir about the time I started smoking crack.
This seemed like as good an idea as any for a book.
After writing the first sentence I began contacting literary agents and telling them my idea. I was like, “Hey, you should give me a massive advance for this book I haven’t written yet so I can use all the money to buy crack and then after I’ve smoked all the crack I will be able to write a memoir about the time I smoked so much crack I became something I wasn’t before I started smoking crack.”
I am not sure what to write next. I like the first sentence I wrote for this book about smoking crack, but none of the other sentences I’ve written are any good.
It is much more difficult to write an entire book than it is to write one sentence.
I haven’t yet figured out how to turn a good sentence into a book.
On the way to work the day I decided to write a book about smoking crack, I saw a rock pile. I lay down on the rock pile and imagined it was entirely made of crack rocks.
I guess I’m just really jealous of everyone smoking crack and writing memoirs and getting famous.
The other day I was watching inspirational videos on the internet and this guy was like, “Oh man, this one time I smoked so much crack everyone in my family died and I was going to die too, but the doctors sewed a new heart into my chest and for a long time everything was really bad because I didn’t have anyone except god. Then one day god decided to make a movie about my life and I was like thank you god. So you probably shouldn’t smoke crack unless you know god is willing to make a movie about the time you smoked crack.”
People keep telling me I’m not allowed to write about smoking crack because I’ve never smoked crack.
One person said, “You should write about not smoking crack because you have spent your whole life not smoking crack.
Would people read a memoir about not smoking crack?
Actually, I think I really like the idea of writing a memoir about not smoking crack.
Okay, I created a new word document and I labeled it “not smoking crack.”
I think I’m going to write two memoirs at the same time.
One will be about smoking crack. And the other will be about not smoking crack.
I wonder what book will be more popular.
Oh holy crack god.
I am so excited right now. I can’t wait to write about smoking crack while also writing about not smoking crack.
Alright. So this book is about smoking crack. I guess I should buy some crack.
Can you go to jail for buying crack even if you’re only buying it so you can write a book about smoking crack?