On my birthday, a guy on TV with a shaved head wearing only a neck brace keeps yelling about Satan. He says Satan is his father and wants him to kill the president and eat his kidneys and find the hole in his blood through which the parasites will come into our world. The guy has a tattoo of a blue square where his pubic hair should be. The media blurs his genitals.

The cops keep telling the guy to lie down on his stomach, then when he does they beat the shit out of him with batons. They taze him seventeen times, until he’s foaming all over everything. His drying blood looks gold instead of brown.

Locked in a closet in the guy’s house they find this tiny girl, age 5, with white hair wrapped up in a trash bag. She has a lisp and a deep voice. Her nipples have been burned off. When asked of her relation to the man, she says, “We are twins, though I am more beautiful, and much more powerful.”